Sasha’s Seldom Diaries: Mr. Darcy, Vampyre by Amanda Grange Review

6691280Mr. Darcy, Vampyre
Amanda Grange
Sourcebooks Landmark- August 17th 2009 (first published August 11th 2009)
Paranormal/fantast/historical fiction
308 pages

A married man in possession of a dark fortune must be in want of an eternal wife…
My hand is trembling as I write this letter. My nerves are in tatters and I am so altered that I believe you would not recognize me. The past two months have been a nightmarish whirl of strange and disturbing circumstances, and the future…
I am afraid.
If anything happens to me, remember that I love you and that my spirit will always be with you, though we may never see each other again. The world is a cold and frightening place where nothing is as it seems.
… … …
Hi again!

I haven’t written in a while, so I didn’t have any kind of idea on how to start this. Bare with me! I considered starting this off with a ‘dear diary’ bit, but I won’t push my luck.
I was thinking of telling you about a book that I fell in love with, but changed my mind. This is about a book that was…adequate? Yeah. Right now that seems like the best word. As I go on, that’ll most likely be sure to change. Anyway! Has anyone heard of Mr. Darcy, Vampyre by Amanda Grange? Although the cover of the book had me curious, the title was a dead giveaway. Which sort of sucks doesn’t it? Ha. But seriously. The whole point of the book is given away in the title, and I feel like with a few changes that easily could’ve been avoided. Yet, I kept reading.

Now I’ve never read the original Pride and Prejudice, but I own the movie. I know, I know. Not as good as the book. Doesn’t make me love it any less! The movie ends with Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy finally, after all the dramatic and misunderstanding trials- FINALLY married and together. Mr. Darcy, Vampyre picks up on the honeymoon. Honeymoon you say? How adventurous. Kinky even? No and no. At least not really. Which is strange. When the term ‘vampire’ comes to mind (no matter how overdone it might be!) I think of seduction, danger and the most obvious of the obvious- pointy teeth and perhaps a whole lot of secret keeping. For most of the book, Elizabeth doesn’t have the unrealistic thought that Darcy is/could be (even though he is!) a vampire. I guess that makes it the tiniest bit realistic? I wouldn’t think that. If someone told me they couldn’t go out in the sun, I would simply think they were allergic. If I saw them biting into someone’s neck, or other body part with blood splattered all over their faces- I would simply think they were a cannibal and alert the authorities.

..Or run? I don’t know what would be the proper protocol in that situation.

The thought of vampires- no matter how unrealistic, is still a very fascinating and let’s face it, sexy thought. Amanda Grange, in my opinion at least, did not make it so. Which is okay. That is her vampy little world. Others might love it there. (My vampy world would probably include a deliciously yummy male population and drama…) On the one side, Darcy seems to be worried that he might accidently kill her. Elizabeth believes their newer than new marriage is in trouble because he hasn’t had sex with her yet.

Priorities seem to be in order. Obviously.

About halfway through the book, friends and family from Darcy’s past are introduced, but they don’t seem to offer any importance to the plot in my opinion. Most of them at least. Especially one villainous character who was useless enough that I nearly forgot that he was in the book. Quite literally, out of nowhere. He disappears just as quickly. The villain is a vampire they call Ancient One. I can deal with the cliché. What I couldn’t grapple with, was the fact that his only purpose was to try to kidnap and reclaim his so called ‘right’ to have sex with the newest vamp brides. What?

All I could think was- why exactly would he be doing this?

We never find out why.

There does manage to be a bit more of an understanding and peek into Darcy’s background story and how he became a vamp in the first place. So I give a nod of acknowledgement to that.

Once mentioned that Darcy could possibly become human again though, adequate has been demoted to lame. The idea of vampires is unreal enough without the mention of them becoming human again. Again…what?! I couldn’t deal with any of it without shaking my head. I shook my head so hard, I almost got whiplash. Just kidding. Not funny.

This book wasn’t my cuppa tea. Besides the necklace on the cover. So cute!


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