Meli’s Nostalgic Tales : Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

Title: Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story
Publisher: Balzer + Bray
Type of book: Paperback
Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy, Humour, Supernatural
Pages: 324

Here I thought I was done with the vampire-drama, but something about this book besides its fantabulous cover made me give it a go and am I ever grateful.

For those of us who have forgotten what it was like to be the weird kid in Teenland, this book certainly brings back some lost time. Doug Lee, 15 and starting puberty and a little rounder than most kid is your new neighborhood vampire…by accident. A hilarious accident claims to have been bitten by a hottie, but story shows it’s a little more complicated than that. From here on in we deal with the ups and down of vampirism and teenage angst.

Ah…gotta love yeah some teenage angst.

Thankfully, Doug has Jay (best bud!) to help him deal with hunger-cravings, sizzling skin when sun-exposure occurs and still be a teen. The author does great work in highlighting why these two are great friends. It just comes to show that even if you become an un-dead, you are still someone’s pal for life…literally. A new love interest from India appears to tempt our little vampire, but she too is battling her own personal drama which is pretty juicy I must say and out of the box for me. I legit leaned back and said ” whoa well you think you know a person” Beware of The Google.. Despite getting hunted down by television-pretenders Vampire Hunters and getting a secret organization for vampires to teach you the do’s and don’ts it’s a I think Doug took it all in beautifully with his “winning” personality, especially since all he wants is to meet a nice girl, maybe fall in love and feed off from so he can stop sucking animals.

Not selfish at all! *snort*

Every page was full with so much laughter it made my time on the plane a lot more enjoyable. MY ONE COMPLAINT is the ending. The author did a break away from the usual sad or happy ending, instead he gave us alternative endings to which we could choose from-ish but even then we do go back to the present and I still do not know what it all means. And I re-read so before y’all start accusing me, just know I went back and still am not sure what to make of Doug.

So if you are willing to read it, please let me know your thoughts on the ending and we can rave about it 

Grading: 4.5/5

-Meli <3


Sasha’s Seldom Diaries: Mr. Darcy, Vampyre by Amanda Grange Review

6691280Mr. Darcy, Vampyre
Amanda Grange
Sourcebooks Landmark- August 17th 2009 (first published August 11th 2009)
Paranormal/fantast/historical fiction
308 pages

A married man in possession of a dark fortune must be in want of an eternal wife…
My hand is trembling as I write this letter. My nerves are in tatters and I am so altered that I believe you would not recognize me. The past two months have been a nightmarish whirl of strange and disturbing circumstances, and the future…
I am afraid.
If anything happens to me, remember that I love you and that my spirit will always be with you, though we may never see each other again. The world is a cold and frightening place where nothing is as it seems.
… … …
Hi again!

I haven’t written in a while, so I didn’t have any kind of idea on how to start this. Bare with me! I considered starting this off with a ‘dear diary’ bit, but I won’t push my luck.
I was thinking of telling you about a book that I fell in love with, but changed my mind. This is about a book that was…adequate? Yeah. Right now that seems like the best word. As I go on, that’ll most likely be sure to change. Anyway! Has anyone heard of Mr. Darcy, Vampyre by Amanda Grange? Although the cover of the book had me curious, the title was a dead giveaway. Which sort of sucks doesn’t it? Ha. But seriously. The whole point of the book is given away in the title, and I feel like with a few changes that easily could’ve been avoided. Yet, I kept reading.

Now I’ve never read the original Pride and Prejudice, but I own the movie. I know, I know. Not as good as the book. Doesn’t make me love it any less! The movie ends with Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy finally, after all the dramatic and misunderstanding trials- FINALLY married and together. Mr. Darcy, Vampyre picks up on the honeymoon. Honeymoon you say? How adventurous. Kinky even? No and no. At least not really. Which is strange. When the term ‘vampire’ comes to mind (no matter how overdone it might be!) I think of seduction, danger and the most obvious of the obvious- pointy teeth and perhaps a whole lot of secret keeping. For most of the book, Elizabeth doesn’t have the unrealistic thought that Darcy is/could be (even though he is!) a vampire. I guess that makes it the tiniest bit realistic? I wouldn’t think that. If someone told me they couldn’t go out in the sun, I would simply think they were allergic. If I saw them biting into someone’s neck, or other body part with blood splattered all over their faces- I would simply think they were a cannibal and alert the authorities.

..Or run? I don’t know what would be the proper protocol in that situation.

The thought of vampires- no matter how unrealistic, is still a very fascinating and let’s face it, sexy thought. Amanda Grange, in my opinion at least, did not make it so. Which is okay. That is her vampy little world. Others might love it there. (My vampy world would probably include a deliciously yummy male population and drama…) On the one side, Darcy seems to be worried that he might accidently kill her. Elizabeth believes their newer than new marriage is in trouble because he hasn’t had sex with her yet.

Priorities seem to be in order. Obviously.

About halfway through the book, friends and family from Darcy’s past are introduced, but they don’t seem to offer any importance to the plot in my opinion. Most of them at least. Especially one villainous character who was useless enough that I nearly forgot that he was in the book. Quite literally, out of nowhere. He disappears just as quickly. The villain is a vampire they call Ancient One. I can deal with the cliché. What I couldn’t grapple with, was the fact that his only purpose was to try to kidnap and reclaim his so called ‘right’ to have sex with the newest vamp brides. What?

All I could think was- why exactly would he be doing this?

We never find out why.

There does manage to be a bit more of an understanding and peek into Darcy’s background story and how he became a vamp in the first place. So I give a nod of acknowledgement to that.

Once mentioned that Darcy could possibly become human again though, adequate has been demoted to lame. The idea of vampires is unreal enough without the mention of them becoming human again. Again…what?! I couldn’t deal with any of it without shaking my head. I shook my head so hard, I almost got whiplash. Just kidding. Not funny.

This book wasn’t my cuppa tea. Besides the necklace on the cover. So cute!